Comments on: Getting Down About Hooking Up

By: Alan R.

Alan R. — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 23:27:42 +0000

I think all you’ve got to do is look around… there are all kinds of desperate housewives, cuckold relationships, hotwives, and open relationships. I found this blog by a woman who has sex outside her marriage with her husband’s blessing. She even gives advice to men who post ads on craigslist: http://lovinglyshared.blogspot.com/2011/08/craigs… It might mean the decay of our society, but I think it’s great as long as you don’t have kids and you’re doing it safe.

By: Getting Down About Hooking Up at Shira Tarrant

Getting Down About Hooking Up at Shira Tarrant — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 03:14:44 +0000

[...] phenomenon” of hooking up. But knocking boots is hardly something new and I write about it for Ms. Magazine in my blog [...]

By: Talking Over Hooking Up | Girl with Pen

Talking Over Hooking Up | Girl with Pen — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 20:28:37 +0000

[...] recently blogged about hooking up at the newly launched Ms. Magazine Blog. I end the piece by saying that when it comes to sex: [...]

By: Hooking Up « Pearson’s Interpersonal Communication Blog

Hooking Up « Pearson’s Interpersonal Communication Blog — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 00:18:24 +0000

[...] [...]

By: Casual Sex and the Orgasm Gap « Kittywampus

Casual Sex and the Orgasm Gap « Kittywampus — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 21:40:14 +0000

[...] [...]

By: Jess MG

Jess MG — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 14:30:47 +0000

This is a really interesting post. The one thing that jumped to mind is classifying hooking-up as thing “girls” do. Though here girls are over 18 and in college. When it comes to technological changes, new or risky behaviors the concept of “girls” are often used as a litmus test of safety and acceptance. I’m thinking about the sexting controversy here too. I saw on OkTrends analysis of the OKCupid dating website that it’s actually 25-35 year olds who are most into casual sex.

I do agree wholeheartedly with your conclusion. We as women need to talk to girls about sexual pleasure and desire when we talk about sex-ed.

By: Susan Walsh

Susan Walsh — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 14:10:49 +0000

I have serious concerns about the Minnesota study, which I outlined in a recent blog post:

Here are the facts:

The sample size was 1311, 44% male, 56% female.

The age range was 18-24, with a mean age of 20.5.

The survey asked about the respondent’s most recent sexual ENCOUNTER, and who it was with:
Fiancee/spouse/life partner: 55%
Exclusive dating partner: 25%
Close but not exclusive: 12%
Casual acquaintance: 8%

The researchers evaluated the self-esteem of each of the respondents, considering the bottom two categories as representative of casual sex.

There were twice as many males as females in the casual groups.

I’m no scientist, but I have designed surveys and projects. Here are my reservations about the study:

It makes no sense to include marrieds in a study on the impact of hookup culture. These long-terms monogamists represent over half the sample. The relevant comparison would be between singles hooking up and singles not hooking up.

The study asks only about the single most recent encounter. In the casual groups, we have no way of knowing if the respondent just had sex with an ex, their first random encounter, a drunken hookup they can’t remember or their best friend. We don’t know if they’ve been hooking up for years with 50 people, or one month with one person.

The study did not differentiate between the self-esteem levels of males and females. Although the sample was 56% female, the casual groups were only 33% female. It is hardly surprising that males would not suffer a loss of self-esteem after a casual sexual encounter. In fact, they were probably downright elated in their responses!

The findings were extrapolated from a study on nutrition, not the result of a study designed to ask this question.

The study has been touted ceaselessly by the sex-positive media, but it clearly does not stand up to scrutiny.

Susan Walsh, HookingUpSmart.com

By: Dana

Dana — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 04:35:53 +0000

Great post, Dr. Tarrant. Along the line of performing gender (and expanding the conversation beyond heterosexual sexuality), I wonder how much of hook-up culture is connected to constructions of masculinity and femininity (apart from biological sex); to narratives of dominance, submission, who initiates, who calls back, who looks for romantic connections and who wants to stay single. While I agree it is true and generalizable that men are still taught/encouraged to view women as objects of pleasure and power in the realm of sex-outside-of-relationships, what about straight women who utilize a heart-breaking, predatory sexuality as a mode of expressing or achieving power, or men who demonstrate vulnerability as they eschew traditional ‘hook-up culture’ in the gay community in search of Mr. Right vs. Mr. Right Now? I think exploring sexuality and sexual boundaries is not only exploring tastes/preferences/”lines,” but gender expressions as well. In teaching young people how to navigate sexuality, perhaps a more productive/successful route to advocate for everyone is an androgynous path between assertiveness and empathy… one where both parties can initiate, say no, and call back without being feminized.
Also- a comment on FWB’s… in most of the fwb-couples I’ve known, even if the relationship has been primarily based on physicality, because of the ongoing connection and more or less acknowledged mutuality/reciprocity (even respect?) between the two parties, the couples have been rather egalitarian and fairly compassionate, as opposed to the detached and/or nonexistent relationships between ONS hook-ups.

By: Kaytlin

Kaytlin — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 03:51:52 +0000

This was spectacular, Shira. I like this take on hooking up vs some other takes I’ve read. I hate how a lot of people who write about the hook up culture seem to forget that women can be and are autonomous beings. We have the ability to make our own decisions be they right or wrong.
Right on!

By: Shira

Shira — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 02:44:52 +0000

I want to add to this stream that, while there might be some problems for women (and men) in hooking up, there’s a lot to be said about exploring sexual boundaries and sexual pleasure, risks and all. I’d like to see sexism decreased (eradicated, really) but I don’t know why sexual exploration, hooking up, or consensual ethical sluttiness should have to go down the tubes, too. That puts women in a very problematic purity box.